I was raised by a single mother (and my mother-in-law, as an alcoholic and drug addict). I grew up feeling pretty out of place and not wanting to fit in – and I had some pretty extreme ideas about how women should be.
For the longest time, one of my major goals was to get my mother to stop using drugs and alcohol. In my eyes, she was not a woman to be allowed to use (and not even let her daughter use) – and we also believed it was the responsibility of husbands to control their wives and protect them from themselves (or “others” for a time, of course).
So I went to therapy and found what I needed, but also what I couldn’t find in other treatment/therapy methods. What I needed, and what I felt I didn’t have, were someone who knew how to deal with my problems (at the time, I couldn’t understand my wife’s behavior and didn’t understand how anyone could think she was in control); someone who wanted what I didn’t have and didn’t want to be left out. Someone who wanted to solve my problems with the help of some well-trained psychotherapist and then offer to go through with my plan – and not just a few more sessions to “fix” me.
I went to the doctor for treatment twice and then a psychotherapist I went to when I couldn’t find something I would accept at home. Finally, I ended up with a therapist and I was in the process of starting my “new normal” (and not as unstable and crazy as I had originally feared and desired!).
I finally felt in a place where I could actually help someone I trusted (and who was happy with my new, sane version of myself), and I was able to start my “new normal” in the way that I wanted to. I had the tools I needed to do it, and I decided that life was worth living (which I now take very seriously).
What do you value in a life coach?
This is a very broad question. Personally, I’m all for what I would call personal development – as in the process of learning to accept myself for who I am. But as with all things, the point is to see the way a coach could help you make better choices in your life if you had to make the choice yourself.
For those of you who will ask, I’m not interested in coaching you through your depression because of